lucky!

when all is well, and everything is good, i count myself lucky.  in the midst of trials, i count myself lucky.

lucky to have my friends, my (growing) family.

lucky to have such a wonderful, kind, patient, supportive, smart, handsome  husband and brilliant, happy, healthy, beautiful, joyful, hilarious, precious baby.

lucky to have my health - despite struggles.  to  have soundness of mind, ability to hear, see, taste, feel...experience.

lucky for my job(s), which provide income, experience, fellowship, love, creative outlet.

lucky to have had each of my past experiences, good and bad.  they have molded me.  i count the trials as blessings - i have learned SO much.  i count the blessings as greater blessings, i deserve nothing, expect nothing, but have so much.

i am lucky amid my current trials for what they are giving me - new perspective, new opportunities, new relationships.  new life lessons.

i am lucky to have the faith that i do.  the trust in god and the universe that keeps me grounded and calm, gives me hope and direction.



i am lucky in a million ways!

kindness and love.

for years, this has been one of my favorite quotes.  the other night, it showed up in my fortune cookie:

'we judge others by their actions, but judge ourselves by our intentions.'

that has resonated with me since the first time i heard it and i try to let it heavily influence my life.  i want to keep that in my mind when someone hurts or wrongs me - that there is (always) more to every action than just that action.  there is intention behind it, and sometimes the action and the intention are not the same.  sometimes someone means well, but execute poorly.  for any number of reasons. . . .sometimes thats hard to remember.

remember.  everyone is human.  with a life.  a family.  thoughts, fears, ideas, dreams.  everyone WANTS something, needs certain things - acceptance, love, approval, support - its different from person to person, but only slightly so.  try to operate and REALLY treat others the way you want to be treated.  you may not always get treated the way you want to, but rather than letting that make you hard and bitter, let it inspire you.  say to yourself, i dont like it when people treat me with impatience, cruelty, selfishness, rudeness, disregard, disrespect, or as if they see no value in me, so i will not act in a way that can or will make people feel that way, even if those same people treat me poorly.

i wont say these things make you a "better" person, but they will make  you a better feeling person.  a happier person.  a person more approachable, with more self confidence, with more contentment and less anxiety, a person with more peace.  a healthier person.


be patient - sometimes the wait is relevant.  sometimes its not, but still unchangeable, so accept it and be content rather than agitated.

be kind...not just polite, but out of your way kind.  to strangers AND friends.

be UPLIFTING.  people need to hear when they are doing a good job, and should be told; deserve to be told.

everyone has doubts and fears and scars, just like you do.  remember that before judging them.

you will NEVER please EVERYONE and you have to do what is RIGHT for you, regardless.

every good thing that has been given to you is a blessing, not something youve earned.  likewise, every tragedy has been exactly that, not something you deserve.

realize the world owes you nothing.  and people owe you nothing.  you have what life has given you, and what you have made of it and are working to make of it.

don't wallow.  face the things that are the causes of your unhappiness - change anything you can.  accept what you cannot.

extend grace to others.

be forgiving.

do not guilt anyone to influence them.


find a moment to be still at the end of every day and turn your face to the things that make you scared, angry, frustrated, unhappy, anxious, and lacking peace.  ask yourself WHY?  and if it is fair and honest. are you angry because youre sad?  are you frustrated because something isnt going your way?  is there anything you can do to change it?  are you trying to bend another person to your will but it isnt working?  let go of that frustration because it is unfounded and unjust to try to control another persons life. are you disappointed, lost, stuck?  is there anything you can do in the moment to change it? the next few moments?  the next day?  few days?  month?  work towards it or let it go.

make decisions confidently.  stand behind them.  if you find, later, youve made a mistake, own that confidently, apologize, make amends.  right the wrong the best you can.  learn from it, grow from it.  leave the guilt behind.

be kind to each other.   love one another.  



xo.
   m.

from the eastern shore to the windy city.

in just a few shorty weeks (about 7) mike, bella, atreyu and i will be packing up and heading about 900 miles west to live in st. charles, illinois.

i have to admit, its a really bittersweet thing.

while im super excited about experiencing new things - people, places, family!  i am also SUPER sad to be leaving my home; my heart is here, and will remain to be so.

but we need a change.  for our finances, our marriage, our little one.  we need some new opportunities.  we need a different work environment.  we need a different kind of support system.  we need to be able to see each other, sometimes, and to reconnect.  i need to work a little less, and a little differently.  and he needs the opportunity to work more, in a better (and better paying) environment.  i need to be close to my (wonderful, amazing, alternative medicine practicing) doctor to get my life and health back in order.  he needs a chance to be close to his family.

im excited about being in a new area, with new and different things to do.  im excited about winter weather.  im excited about being closer in proximity to my (other, long lost) sister and having the chance to meet her again and reconnect.  im excited to get to know my illinois family.  im looking forward to all kinds of things.

but i am sad too.  im going to be leaving a huge piece of myself here.  my family, my friends.  being away from my small, close knit family, and thinking that bella may not immediately recognize the family and friends who have always been my *only* family and friends breaks my heart - but i know we can change that with visits, pictures, and skype.  im sad over leaving my best friend and heart - the idea literally shreds my insides...  but i know that no matter how much time passes (it wont be much) or how many miles are between us, we will always always be inseparable.  we will always be best friends.  we will be seeing each other soon...  as soon as i convince her to move to chicago too!

its all very exciting, scary, overwhelming, sad, and great!  i think that this is going to be a great opportunity.  i think its going to be a lot of fun.  i think ill be homesick.  i think ill miss the beach.  but i am confident that we are making the right choice - for us - and thats really all that matters.

i am going to miss *my* starbucks, but i have been missing my starbucks for some time.  its time to move on to something new.

im going to miss my old friends, and my newest friends.  im going to miss my little town.  im going to miss my house (a little).

im SO going to miss the studio and the wonderful ladies of GPA who i have come to love like family!  more than an amazing job, wonderful opportunity, and invaluable education - these ladies are like sisters to me!  its hard to leave that behind.  but it gives them somewhere to road trip!

but im glad to be setting out on this new adventure.  im happy and looking forward to a new chapter in my life and in my marriage!  im actually glad to be moving away from the eastern shore and "getting out of ocean city" like ive always talked about.  and who knows what the future holds?

im just glad that, no matter what, ill still always have this place to call home.  <3 p="p">


xo.
   m.

one year.

has it really almost been a year already?

this has been the happiest, saddest, most challenging and beautiful year of my life.  it really has.  my daughter is almost a year old.  how did that happen!?  where did the time go?  gram has been gone for almost a year.  it doesnt feel like it, and  yet, every single day feels like a lifetime without her.  and sometimes i almost forget that she's gone.  

this year has led me to new places, and there are even more new places in my future...

welcome, autumn.

as I'm sure is obvious to any reader, i love autumn. i love the cool, the crisp, the crunch. the crackle of fire and the wafting swirl of hot breath in cold air. i love the freshness. i love the stillness after the chaos of summer.

autumn, in ways mentally emotionally physically and spiritually, changes my life.  the stillness of the season resonates with me, draws me to a quiet place.  causes me to be still and sllows me time to reflect on all the things I've been trying to outrun in the summer months.

this year, as most years, i breathed a heavy sigh of relief when the first cool day dawned.  the time is coming.  "there's healing coming" my spirit resonates.  there's change coming too.  so much change. as always, i am so excited and a little afraid.  as always, i am looking forward to finally having a moment to work through the chaos of this past year. to let some wounds heal and to grieve losses I've suffered.

so welcome autumn, you will find yourself well received and embraced here.

back to reality.

finally, labor day has come and gone.

finally, we get to live in a normal town.  well, for a few months anyway.  then the ghost-town-ness will set in and it will be desolate until april.

work was S L O W this morning.  and i couldnt be more excited.  oh, autumn.  ive missed you.

there's a big update coming.  now that i have time to write!  :)

catch up.

so, its summertime.

hence the reason ive hardly written a thing.

its hot.

really really hot.

both town and work are busier than ive seen in a few years!  

there are lots of things in the works with me and starbucks...

bella is doing wonderful!  growing like a weed!  it amazes me every day the new things shes learned and learning.


did i mention its hot?




xo.
 m.