insight.

'patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.'   (jean-jacques rousseau)


i imagine when i type this, or when someone reads it, the assumption will be that im saying that this waiting game is the pits but that having my little baby in my arms will make it all worth it.

while that sentiment is definitely true, this morning, my meaning is a little different.

sometimes i'll hear, see, read, or find something out of the blue that speaks to me in such a powerful way that it literally changes my whole life.  one little grain of knowledge or realization that teaches me something, awakens something in me, and somehow changes the course of my life, if only imperceptively to others - to me, its relevant and life changing.

this morning i heard something so simple.  it wasn't new information and wasn't quite ground breaking, but it struck a chord with me and it spoke to an area of my life that i have been trying to figure out, trying to make the right choices, trying to get all the information that i could.  and this little blurb of info i heard by accident, well it was exactly what i needed to hear.

and i couldnt help but have this thought:  'THAT moment, right there, needed to happen in my life.  and in some capacity, THAT is why i havent had the baby yet.'  

because, even through all my impatience, i trust the timing of the universe.  i trust god.  and i trust that things happen for a reason and in due and perfect time, whether or not i can grasp the reason behind it.  a lot of times, i cant.

sometimes, though, its like a lightbulb goes off and today i have to say, 'thank god i am on the path i am on.  and that all things lined up so that i could learn something new today that has enriched my life and hopefully, in so doing, will enrich the life of my child and equip me to be a better mother. and all of that makes me thankful that i havent had this baby yet...'

a thought i promptly followed with, 'but any time now would be great.'



xo.
   m.