coyote (not) ugly.

today, i was standing in the kitchen washing dishes looking out the huge single pane window into our wooded back yard.   even though its the most stark time of winter, its a beautiful view.  there are bird feeders out back that attract a really beautiful assortment of birds.  there are cardinals, blue jays, finches (i think), and a really pretty blue, black, and white woodpecker that i was watching on the tree right in front of the window.

i was feeling particularly excited to be doing the dishes.  (sometimes i actually LIKE doing the dishes.)  one, the sink is wonderful. its huge.  and deep.  which i like.  there wasnt anything particularly gross in there.  and, most of all, i was just feeling thankful to have some extra energy today and to not be feeling as achy as i have been on a pretty regular basis lately.

so here i am, standing at the window, feeling all snow white watching these birds and whistling to myself and doing my chores when out of the woods i see a blur of movement, a LITTLE bigger than a bird.

i pretty much couldnt believe what i was seeing.  in fact, it took a few seconds for it to register exactly WHAT i was looking at.

disclaimer: not my image.  not our back yard.   just a representation.

yes.  

in case you were wondering, you're right.  that's exactly what i thought too.

that IS a coyote. 

   

                        that is a coyote.

       

                                                    holy shit! is that a coyote?!

                                                                                               THAT.  is a fucking COYOTE. in my back yard.

something like that.

then i yelled for mike to look outside.

then i ran out the back door to look at it closer.  it was in the neighbors yard by then.  i howled at it.   it didnt howl back.  but it did turn and stare me in the eyes.  and, it wasnt scary.

maybe i should backtrack a little and explain why this is such an event to me.

first, we dont have coyotes on the eastern shore.  so while in the place i spent the majority of my life so far i was able to see pelicans, dolphins, sharks, fish, (a school/shoal of fish), a seal or two, deer, foxes, and wild ponies on assateague island - coyotes were something i didnt see.  

second, ive been hearing about them since we got here.  people will randomly be like, 'oh yeah i saw a coyote today when i was walking my dog. ' and i will stand there feeling like, 'what?! how can you be so nonchalant about it!?!?'

third, i open at work almost exclusively.  which means i go to work in the dark. i leave my house around 4am.   i kid you not, every day when my hand hits the doorknob my mind instantly screams at me:

'WHAT IF THERE'S A COYOTE OUT THERE WHEN I WALK OUT?!'

seriously.  every morning.  without fail.

it also doesnt help that the other night after bella had gone to bed i was sitting upstairs watching tv when i heard what i thought was a police car or ambulance going "whoop-whoop  whoop-whoop" but then, after a few seconds i realized it was not that at all.

it was coyotes, yipping. it sounded like fifty of them.  (after some investigative googling, i realized that just two or three coyotes can sound like many many more than that.)  it was a really haunting sound, but so amazing and beautiful too.

that's kind of how i felt today.  watching this animal, locking eyes with it even, was really amazing and beautiful to me.  i know it might sound cheesy, but i just find so much beauty in nature and animals and i think its really refreshing and kind of enlightening to experience nature in new ways.  the world can get so full of things sometimes - work, money, technology, disease and whatever other distracting and stressful things there are - that we, i, forget the actual physical world around me that im living in.  the sun, the sky, the stars, the ocean, trees, rain, snow, wind, air, wild animals, weeds. all of these things that sometimes are seen as "intruders" or nuisances to deal with, prepare for, or move away are actually the foundation of this technologically advanced world that we have created with all of our developments.  things like the internet, cars, and indoor plumbing. 

sometimes, when i think of these things we have built - the civilizations we've formed, the luxury we have at our fingertips, and realize they exist right next to these other things - rocks, mud, and bugs - it throws me for a little bit of a loop.  i feel amazed at both sides, the civilized and the wild and how they exist together, so juxtaposed but so close.  

as close as my backyard, even.

xo. 

   m.